REVISION 2
PATENTS 4,328,145 AND 43,690,482 PENDING
Introduction
Theorem 504-1
Theorem 504-2
Theorem 504-3
Theorem 504-4
Contact
By using several variables, such as the mass of poop, the number of corn modules and their mass, and the height at which it was dropped, it is possible to solve for many unknown variables. In all of the following formulas, assume the mass of the turd is equal to the weight of the poop plus the number of corn modules times the average weight of a single corn module. For Example:
Let p = mass of poop
Let c = number of corn modules
Let m = average mass of each corn module
Solve t - total mass of object
t = p + cm
II. Theorem 504-1: Find The Color Of Poop
Often times the color of poop has a great impact on the height of the resulting splash. Green poop tends to be heavier in mass than brown poop and therefore creates a larger splash.
In this theorem we assume that the speed of light is approximately 9 million meters per second. The theorem follows:
Let t = total mass of object (See Introduction)
Let l = speed of light
Let r = radiation emitted by poop per second
Solve s - speed at which the light refracts from the poop
s = ål^3(tan rl^2)^t - Ö(5 - l^t)
(tr)^-1 + Ö(cos(r)^3) - log(4.53
Õr)
Variable s now equals the speed at which the light refracts off the poop. To determine the color, use the following flow chart:
III. Theorem 504-2: Find The Area Of Poop
Before you can correctly calculate the height of the splash, you must find the area of the poop. Note that green poop is more dense and therefore you must solve the previous theorem before calculating this one.
With the theorem we introduce two new variables: w is for the width of the poop and c which is 1 or 2, depending on the color of the poop. If the poop is brown, c = 1; if the poop is green, c = 2.
Let w = width of poop
Let c = color of poop
Let t = total mass of object
Let c = number of corn modules
Solve a - area of poop
a = (5.04Õa)^-3 + Ö(rw^3) - tan(cos(wt^4)^-1) + 45r
åct^-1 - 492.03rwÖ(ac^4) + sin((rt)^w)^-4 + 5w
The use of pi in this formula is used to calculate the lengths of the arcs and curves on the poop. You may now solve Theorem 504-3.
IV. Theorem 504-3: Find The Initial Velocity Of Poop
The final step in being able to calculate the height of a splash is to find the initial velocity at which the poop was dropped. This theorem requires a basic knowledge of Pythagorean's Theorem.
NOTE: If the poop was dropped straight down, skip to part 2.
Measure the distance horizontally away from the toilet bowl (L1). Next, measure the distance vertically from the toilet bowl (L2). Finally, solve for h. The formula for Pythagorean's Theorem is as follows:
L1^2 + L2^2 = h^2
You now have the trajectory of the poop.
Part 2
If it was not necessary to use the previous equation, then let h equal the vertical height from the toilet bowl at which the poop was pooped. Use this formula to find the initial velocity of the poop:
Let g = gravity (9.8 meters/sec)
Let f = force exerted at time of deffication
Let h = trajectory of poop at release
Let r = wind resistance
Let a = area of poop
Solve v - initial velocity
v = gr^2 - haÖ(f^-3) + 4.504h^fÕ - cos(r - h) + tan(sin(log(hg)^f)^r)^(f + a) - 4509.3201ar^-2
Now that you know the initial velocity of the poop, it is possible to calculate the height of the splash. This brings us to the final theorem, Theorem 504-4.
V. Theorem 504-4: Calculate The Height Of The Splash
It is fairly easy to calculate the height of the splash after solving the previous three theorems. Here is the formula:
Let g = gravity (9.8 meters/sec)
Let c = color of poop (1 for brown, 2 for green)
Let a = area of poop
Let v = initial velocity of poop dropping
Let t = terminal velocity
Let f = force exerted at time of deffication
Let w = mass of all the water in toilet bowl
Solve h - height of splash
h = .54ftÕ - cos(åÖ(tan(gc^-2)))^4.502a * sin(log(902.4av)^t)
Ö(gca^f) + 42019.45^(-ft) + 30002.49g^(cos(tan(wf^2)^9)^c) * fca^(-vt)
This concludes the Dugie-Eltie Comprehensive Poop Theorems.
Copyright © 2000 Dugie-Elton, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
No part of this document may be reproduced without the written consent of Dugie-Eltie, Inc.
VI. Contact
You may contact the writers of this document at eltond@kc.rr.com or on AOL Instant Messenger, screen name ILikeToEatPooPoo.
Often times the color of poop has a great impact on the height of the resulting splash. Green poop tends to be heavier in mass than brown poop and therefore creates a larger splash.
In this theorem we assume that the speed of light is approximately 9 million meters per second. The theorem follows:
Let t = total mass of object (See Introduction)
Let l = speed of light
Let r = radiation emitted by poop per second
Solve s - speed at which the light refracts from the poop
s = ål^3(tan rl^2)^t - Ö(5 - l^t)
(tr)^-1 + Ö(cos(r)^3) - log(4.53
Õr)
Variable s now equals the speed at which the light refracts off the poop. To determine the color, use the following flow chart:
III. Theorem 504-2: Find The Area Of Poop
Before you can correctly calculate the height of the splash, you must find the area of the poop. Note that green poop is more dense and therefore you must solve the previous theorem before calculating this one.
With the theorem we introduce two new variables: w is for the width of the poop and c which is 1 or 2, depending on the color of the poop. If the poop is brown, c = 1; if the poop is green, c = 2.
Let w = width of poop
Let c = color of poop
Let t = total mass of object
Let c = number of corn modules
Solve a - area of poop
a = (5.04Õa)^-3 + Ö(rw^3) - tan(cos(wt^4)^-1) + 45r
åct^-1 - 492.03rwÖ(ac^4) + sin((rt)^w)^-4 + 5w
The use of pi in this formula is used to calculate the lengths of the arcs and curves on the poop. You may now solve Theorem 504-3.
IV. Theorem 504-3: Find The Initial Velocity Of Poop
The final step in being able to calculate the height of a splash is to find the initial velocity at which the poop was dropped. This theorem requires a basic knowledge of Pythagorean's Theorem.
NOTE: If the poop was dropped straight down, skip to part 2.
Measure the distance horizontally away from the toilet bowl (L1). Next, measure the distance vertically from the toilet bowl (L2). Finally, solve for h. The formula for Pythagorean's Theorem is as follows:
L1^2 + L2^2 = h^2
You now have the trajectory of the poop.
Part 2
If it was not necessary to use the previous equation, then let h equal the vertical height from the toilet bowl at which the poop was pooped. Use this formula to find the initial velocity of the poop:
Let g = gravity (9.8 meters/sec)
Let f = force exerted at time of deffication
Let h = trajectory of poop at release
Let r = wind resistance
Let a = area of poop
Solve v - initial velocity
v = gr^2 - haÖ(f^-3) + 4.504h^fÕ - cos(r - h) + tan(sin(log(hg)^f)^r)^(f + a) - 4509.3201ar^-2
Now that you know the initial velocity of the poop, it is possible to calculate the height of the splash. This brings us to the final theorem, Theorem 504-4.
V. Theorem 504-4: Calculate The Height Of The Splash
It is fairly easy to calculate the height of the splash after solving the previous three theorems. Here is the formula:
Let g = gravity (9.8 meters/sec)
Let c = color of poop (1 for brown, 2 for green)
Let a = area of poop
Let v = initial velocity of poop dropping
Let t = terminal velocity
Let f = force exerted at time of deffication
Let w = mass of all the water in toilet bowl
Solve h - height of splash
h = .54ftÕ - cos(åÖ(tan(gc^-2)))^4.502a * sin(log(902.4av)^t)
Ö(gca^f) + 42019.45^(-ft) + 30002.49g^(cos(tan(wf^2)^9)^c) * fca^(-vt)
This concludes the Dugie-Eltie Comprehensive Poop Theorems.
Copyright © 2000 Dugie-Elton, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
No part of this document may be reproduced without the written consent of Dugie-Eltie, Inc.
VI. Contact
You may contact the writers of this document at eltond@kc.rr.com or on AOL Instant Messenger, screen name ILikeToEatPooPoo.
Before you can correctly calculate the height of the splash, you must find the area of the poop. Note that green poop is more dense and therefore you must solve the previous theorem before calculating this one.
With the theorem we introduce two new variables: w is for the width of the poop and c which is 1 or 2, depending on the color of the poop. If the poop is brown, c = 1; if the poop is green, c = 2.
Let w = width of poop
Let c = color of poop
Let t = total mass of object
Let c = number of corn modules
Solve a - area of poop
a = (5.04Õa)^-3 + Ö(rw^3) - tan(cos(wt^4)^-1) + 45r
åct^-1 - 492.03rwÖ(ac^4) + sin((rt)^w)^-4 + 5w
The use of pi in this formula is used to calculate the lengths of the arcs and curves on the poop. You may now solve Theorem 504-3.
IV. Theorem 504-3: Find The Initial Velocity Of Poop
The final step in being able to calculate the height of a splash is to find the initial velocity at which the poop was dropped. This theorem requires a basic knowledge of Pythagorean's Theorem.
NOTE: If the poop was dropped straight down, skip to part 2.
Measure the distance horizontally away from the toilet bowl (L1). Next, measure the distance vertically from the toilet bowl (L2). Finally, solve for h. The formula for Pythagorean's Theorem is as follows:
L1^2 + L2^2 = h^2
You now have the trajectory of the poop.
Part 2
If it was not necessary to use the previous equation, then let h equal the vertical height from the toilet bowl at which the poop was pooped. Use this formula to find the initial velocity of the poop:
Let g = gravity (9.8 meters/sec)
Let f = force exerted at time of deffication
Let h = trajectory of poop at release
Let r = wind resistance
Let a = area of poop
Solve v - initial velocity
v = gr^2 - haÖ(f^-3) + 4.504h^fÕ - cos(r - h) + tan(sin(log(hg)^f)^r)^(f + a) - 4509.3201ar^-2
Now that you know the initial velocity of the poop, it is possible to calculate the height of the splash. This brings us to the final theorem, Theorem 504-4.
V. Theorem 504-4: Calculate The Height Of The Splash
It is fairly easy to calculate the height of the splash after solving the previous three theorems. Here is the formula:
Let g = gravity (9.8 meters/sec)
Let c = color of poop (1 for brown, 2 for green)
Let a = area of poop
Let v = initial velocity of poop dropping
Let t = terminal velocity
Let f = force exerted at time of deffication
Let w = mass of all the water in toilet bowl
Solve h - height of splash
h = .54ftÕ - cos(åÖ(tan(gc^-2)))^4.502a * sin(log(902.4av)^t)
Ö(gca^f) + 42019.45^(-ft) + 30002.49g^(cos(tan(wf^2)^9)^c) * fca^(-vt)
This concludes the Dugie-Eltie Comprehensive Poop Theorems.
Copyright © 2000 Dugie-Elton, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
No part of this document may be reproduced without the written consent of Dugie-Eltie, Inc.
VI. Contact
You may contact the writers of this document at eltond@kc.rr.com or on AOL Instant Messenger, screen name ILikeToEatPooPoo.
The final step in being able to calculate the height of a splash is to find the initial velocity at which the poop was dropped. This theorem requires a basic knowledge of Pythagorean's Theorem.
NOTE: If the poop was dropped straight down, skip to part 2.
Measure the distance horizontally away from the toilet bowl (L1). Next, measure the distance vertically from the toilet bowl (L2). Finally, solve for h. The formula for Pythagorean's Theorem is as follows:
L1^2 + L2^2 = h^2
You now have the trajectory of the poop.
Part 2
If it was not necessary to use the previous equation, then let h equal the vertical height from the toilet bowl at which the poop was pooped. Use this formula to find the initial velocity of the poop:
Let g = gravity (9.8 meters/sec)
Let f = force exerted at time of deffication
Let h = trajectory of poop at release
Let r = wind resistance
Let a = area of poop
Solve v - initial velocity
v = gr^2 - haÖ(f^-3) + 4.504h^fÕ - cos(r - h) + tan(sin(log(hg)^f)^r)^(f + a) - 4509.3201ar^-2
Now that you know the initial velocity of the poop, it is possible to calculate the height of the splash. This brings us to the final theorem, Theorem 504-4.
V. Theorem 504-4: Calculate The Height Of The Splash
It is fairly easy to calculate the height of the splash after solving the previous three theorems. Here is the formula:
Let g = gravity (9.8 meters/sec)
Let c = color of poop (1 for brown, 2 for green)
Let a = area of poop
Let v = initial velocity of poop dropping
Let t = terminal velocity
Let f = force exerted at time of deffication
Let w = mass of all the water in toilet bowl
Solve h - height of splash
h = .54ftÕ - cos(åÖ(tan(gc^-2)))^4.502a * sin(log(902.4av)^t)
Ö(gca^f) + 42019.45^(-ft) + 30002.49g^(cos(tan(wf^2)^9)^c) * fca^(-vt)
This concludes the Dugie-Eltie Comprehensive Poop Theorems.
Copyright © 2000 Dugie-Elton, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
No part of this document may be reproduced without the written consent of Dugie-Eltie, Inc.
VI. Contact
You may contact the writers of this document at eltond@kc.rr.com or on AOL Instant Messenger, screen name ILikeToEatPooPoo.
It is fairly easy to calculate the height of the splash after solving the previous three theorems. Here is the formula:
Let g = gravity (9.8 meters/sec)
Let c = color of poop (1 for brown, 2 for green)
Let a = area of poop
Let v = initial velocity of poop dropping
Let t = terminal velocity
Let f = force exerted at time of deffication
Let w = mass of all the water in toilet bowl
Solve h - height of splash
h = .54ftÕ - cos(åÖ(tan(gc^-2)))^4.502a * sin(log(902.4av)^t)
Ö(gca^f) + 42019.45^(-ft) + 30002.49g^(cos(tan(wf^2)^9)^c) * fca^(-vt)
This concludes the Dugie-Eltie Comprehensive Poop Theorems.
Copyright © 2000 Dugie-Elton, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
No part of this document may be reproduced without the written consent of Dugie-Eltie, Inc.
VI. Contact
You may contact the writers of this document at eltond@kc.rr.com or on AOL Instant Messenger, screen name ILikeToEatPooPoo.
All Rights Reserved.
No part of this document may be reproduced without the written consent of Dugie-Eltie, Inc.